Resolution

I have a horrible habit of developing an interest in people who, for all intents and purposes, see me as little more than intriguing, a thing of momentary interest and perhaps temporary care. This is why I've only technically been in one relationship, which worked together with the general collapse of my life to land me in two mental hospitals to receive treatment for severe depression; this is why I am consistently lonely.
Why am I attracted to such abrasive individuals? There are a multitude of possible reasons: I've an older brother who would treat me as something akin to a toy when I was younger; I've a father who has treated me as if I were a waste of space for longer than I can remember; I've dangerously low self-esteem and a desire to be 'dominated' as it were. The only thing I know for certain is that I am a masochist, and I respond positively to negative reinforcement such as rejection.

My resolution for this new year is to work towards boosting my self-esteem with the specific intent of giving myself a chance to enter into a healthy relationship.