How We Signify A Beginning

For most people, a beginning is signified by fairly common events; brief contacts that you wished were longer, glances that seem to compress the entirety of your emotional being into a single moment, whispers between you and your soon-to-be, loose embraces that you're too fearful to make tighter, perhaps even the gently running of your fingertips over her body, committing her curves to your memory.
For others, a beginning is signified by stolen moments in abandoned rooms, secret kisses behind the frosted glass of locked doors, gripping his body as you pull him close, feeling as if he's the only real thing in the world, as if you're locked on to him for dear life, constantly charged with the fear of discovery, the confusion of misinterpreted wrong-doings and the inexhaustible desire for Now.
For still others, a beginning is signified by keystrokes upon a computer or by frenzied twitches of a thumb on a keypad, by unadulterated language and the raw ecstasy of words, charged by the batteries at your disposal and the numbness in your over-worked hands.

I'm not sure how I signify a beginning. I've gone through the latter of the three multiple times now, and I can't say that I've ever had a beginning which was not promptly followed by an explosive end. I'd like to be able to feel the former, but unfortunately, my orientation somewhat limits my ability to display much affection in public without living with the constant fear of becoming the target of a poor, misguided fool with a baseball bat- which is a fear that I live with regardless, at least whenever I tempt fate by venturing out into public situations.
It frightens me that society is so determined to force gay men to live up to their stereotypes. Behind closed doors, what's to stop two lovers from moving too quickly for their own good? Assume that they realize this and decide that there's no reason to wade through the courtship process? Would it not be much more gratifying to simply move directly to the fucking? And assume that society continues to deny gay men and women the right to marry- what reason is there for monogamy? Homosexuals as a people have need to endure unspeakable mental tortures from the day that they even begin to suspect themselves as being Different; who's to say that whatever tortures their ex-lovers would inflict upon them for being unfaithful would even so much as hold a candle to the torment of living as a homosexual teenager in today's world?

As a matter of personal choice, I elect not to engage in instantly-gratifying sexual encounters... but in all honesty, that's a choice which I'm beginning to lose faith in. Once upon a time, my morals were indestructible walls which kept me from losing all sense of righteousness in a world gone haywire; these days I can't seem to find what was logical about them in the first place.
I'm not suggesting that it's ever right to visit a bath house or work a corner to get your sexual gratification, because I still don't believe that to be true in any sense. Nor am I suggesting that I'm going to break down and let the next shmuk with a boner use me to relieve themselves. I'm not at all sure of what it is that I'm suggesting, at least in regards to my personal choices... but I do know that I can appreciate the situations which drive men to seek refuge in bath houses and on the corners, and I can understand the mentalities of the people for whom those shmuks are searching.

We signify a beginning in a myriad of different ways; through touch, through stolen moments behind closed doors, and even through the incessant clicking of a keyboard or beeping of a keypad. A beginning is a beautiful thing, the occurrence and realization of which can lead to awe-inspiring connections and life-long comforts. It's a shame to think that so inconsequential a thing as fear has the power to rob any of us of a beginning and force us directly to the climax, a climax which is truly nothing without a solid foundation; it's a shame to think that misinterpretations, misjudgments and outright idiocy can rob a single person of a glorious commencement.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself.